Mady. Eighteen. German far away from home.

I miss you every fucking day,
until-we-reach-nirvana.tumblr.com

You're still alive in my sleep.
cyrusyong asked: im sorry about your friend mady I hope you try to feel better

You know, I still don’t know how to respond to people saying “sorry” yet..

But I know you mean well, Cyrus. x

Thank you, I am trying. This ask has made me feel a bit better.

"

You have left a wound in my heart, a space that can never be filled again.
It is an agony rooted deep within me, and words cannot describe it.
I don’t know of a language that anticipated a pain of this kind.

It is instead an emotion - it is meant to be felt, and often.
Not spoken. Not written.

And it hurts.

You’re dead and gone, and I’m in pain. 3:13 am.
"I would ruin myself to fix you.”

One-Liners (via 5weetsorrow)

I would have ruined myself to fix you.

"

You did not “pass away”.
I wish people would stop acting like you just died.

When, really, you took your own life.
Your death is so much more than an accident, than an illness.
It cuts deeper than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It was not unavoidable. There is no peace in your death.

Not for the living, and probably not for you either, as I’m sure you figured out in your final seconds, when it was too late to decide otherwise.

What pains me most is not even the way I miss you.
I am not saddest because I have endured the death of someone I love so dearly.
I am morose because of how dark your world must have been.

It haunts me every night.
Did you cry final tears with the rope around your neck?
Did you struggle against your choice?
Did you suffer more then than you ever had?

Did you really think I would not miss you?
Did you really think I would not cry until my tear ducts could not produce enough tears to keep up with the crippling emotion?
Did you really believe that my heart would not hurt until its last beat?

You were such a lover of life. You radiated light.
My world has gone dimmer, knowing that yours must have been so sorrowful.
What happened, Kira? God, what happened to you?

You Were Alive Just One Month Ago, 2:10 am, September 2nd.
"I have so much of you in my heart.”
— John Keats (via rittou)
©